six billion people

and not one of them i can trust. im in a lot of pain today. i woke up yesterday morning at 97lbs, happy, happy, but by the end of the day i was 101.8. couldnt stop crying, couldnt stop and i just...i dont know but it was utterly horrible. when i woke up this morning it was the usual "oh how much do i weigh today? i have to go see....i have to go see..."

it took me an hour to work up the courage to get out of bed and put my feet on the scales, which read 97.5. i still feel like killing myself. i'm a fat f*ck, a waste of space, a burden and a disguisting creature. especially because i had to eat breakfast this morning and it wasnt the typical peice on toast shit. it was an egg, three sausages, and beans and i feel so full i just want to purge and purge and purge. dad and gail arent going out until later tho, so by the time i do purge most of the calories will have been used but i have to. i have to feel empty again. clean and empty and light as the air.

i swear i woke up last night and spoke to someone....

my hands feel fat
my hands are fat
covered in fat fat fat

i want to get a syringe
and suck it all out
just suck out the fats
i've had these thoughts for a few days now
i want it to go