Or hating nothing.
I don't know. I feel so emotionless from the world right now, I don't know what I hate and what I don't.
Mother found out I'm cutting again a week and two days ago. Since then I've "stopped". There are 108 cuts on my arms. I'm glad she found out. I cut deeply on the Thursday before she found out and I couldn't stop crying and it was an inch in width and an few inches in length. I thought, genuinly, that I was going to die. I still can't straighten my arm because its on the inside of it, making movement difficult. But yeah, I'm okay now, of course. I told her I wanted to stop and she was so lovely and understanding, but everythings hard to deal with at the moment. I've cut ten times since I said I'd stop. I'm a horrible person.
Went to the Doctor too, who was more interested in my sex life; she doesn't believe anything to be wrong with me but apparantly I'm going to speak to someone in a few weeks. I'd be dead by then if it were up to me. Mum's worried because I've got no friends anymore. Well I don't hang out with anyone. I can't tell her I don't have any friends but meh, I don't really care. I prefer my own company.
Todays one of those days where I'm emotionless. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be nice and hyper. Right now I just want to crawl up in bed and fade away.
the w r i t e r
- g a i g n u n
- theres a g i r l who just wants to be l i t t l e again. she knows the path she has chosen in life and she just wants to fade away on her own, "suffering" with an eating disorder; a disordered image of her disguisting body. in a world where there is just chaos she wants to get the control as tight as she can. unfortunatly that control is preventing the rest of her life from happening. well that doesn't matter for now.
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